


unfortunately, true love's hickey is not a thing

by celebreultimaverba



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, conspiracy: she loves him, rated t for like one suggestive joke and there's an alternate ending, they get really into flirting with each other in front of other people, what more could you want in a ladynoir fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 13:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11624217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celebreultimaverba/pseuds/celebreultimaverba
Summary: Ladybug and Chat Noir model merchandise for the Ladyblog. Hey, Ladybloggers need income for all the danger they put themselves in!The t-shirts are, in fact, 100% accurate or your money back.





	unfortunately, true love's hickey is not a thing

Alya thinks this is kinda hilarious. They don't even know.

Ladybug is currently "fixing" Chat Noir's hair, in reality messing it up every time he tries to _actually_ fix it, and even though he's pretending to pout they're both giggling.

"Stop touching it so much, it's perfect," Ladybug says, as she finally gets a few locks of her partner's hair to stand up. Alya has to try not to laugh, watching this interaction.

"You need to stop," Chat Noir replies, sticking out his tongue at Ladybug as he disobeys her order, smoothing the fluffy blond back down on his head.

"Actually, you both need to stop, so we can actually do this," Alya pipes up.

Ladybug looks up at her and Alya thinks she might flush. "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that!"

"Her pretty kitty just needs to be at his best," Chat says, and Ladybug messes his hair up again. "Hey! Bug, behave!"

"You're not, why should I?" she retorts.

Alya can't believe these two actually save Paris on the regular. They've done nothing but flirt and bicker and giggle this whole time, and Alya has been here close to half an hour. She's very glad they seem to pull themselves together when an akuma is around.

She'd been very excited when Ladybug had agreed to model some of the new merch Alya's just recently put on her Ladyblog (she hates capitalizing on her favorite superheroine's popularity, but a girl's gotta have some income and all the designs were vetted by Ladybug herself so it's fine) but now she's thinking maybe she should just have done it herself.

Not that this isn't fun, of course. Alya's just third-wheeling. Hard. But there _has_ been a lot of new information and observations that she can probably use.

"Okay, no, but we need to be serious, LB. We agreed to help Alya," Chat points out, and Ladybug looks over at her like she'd forgotten again.

"Fine, fine. Just trying to fix your hair, Chaton."

"You are not. If you wanna pet me you just gotta ask, Bugginette. I'll let you stroke anything you want."

Alya blinks. She was not expecting that. At all. Chat does not seem like the type. But Ladybug laughs, ruffles his hair. Like she's used to such a suggestive comment. Well, Alya supposes she's probably used to flirting. Chat's been doing it this whole time and Ladybug is gorgeous. But still, that was pretty damn suggestive, for how nice Chat seems to be.

"I've got no ulterior motives except to style that mop of yours, kitten," she says, and Chat grins.

"Of course, my Lady. Like how soft it is? I'm trying this new conditioner."

Ladybug tugs her fingers through his hair then nods. Alya clears her throat. Again. This is kinda getting ridiculous.

They both look up this time and Alya says, "We only have two and a half hours left here."

She'd gotten Adrien to secure her a studio and it was expensive as hell (even though she suspected the model had gotten her a cut rate) so she can't really afford so much messing around. Even if it's kinda adorable. Relationship goals.

"Oh, god, yeah, Alya, I'm sorry," Ladybug starts to apologize, and Alya lets her grovel only a few seconds before waving it off.

"It's okay. It's kinda funny, actually, how different you two are outside of akuma attacks," she replies, producing a few t-shirts.

"What do you mean?" Chat asks, looking over to Ladybug.

"Like, I guess in a normal context you're a lot more relaxed? I'm mostly talking about Ladybug, I guess, but, like, without the threat you're way different. Just going off how you were teasing Chat Noir just then."

Alya almost laughs at how surprised Ladybug looks and wonders if this was the first time anyone's made her think about it. "I don't. I mean, I'm more relaxed, yeah, but surely I'm not different?"

"I'm gonna have to agree with the fans here, bug," Chat says, nodding with Alya. "You're way more flirty."

Ladybug hits his arm. Chat winces. Alya doesn't blame him, she'd probably wince at a punch from Ladybug too, playful or not. "I am not flirting with you."

Alya feels like she connects with Chat on a spiritual level when they have the same reaction to her assertion—a raised, disbelieving eyebrow and a shrug like "if you say so".

Ladybug crosses her arms. "I'm not. Alya, the t-shirts?"

"Yep! Right here, Ladybug. Which ones do you want to model first?" Alya asks, holding up two of the ones she'd brought.

"Ooh, uh. Chat?"

"Can we please do the kiss one. I need that one to be available officially ASAP so I can wear it everywhere."

He's talking about the t-shirt that Alya suspects Ladybug only said yes to in order to make Chat Noir happy. She'd gotten Marinette to design all of it—this one has the words "LADYBUG HAS KISSED CHAT NOIR" on the front, and "AND THERE WAS TONGUE" on the back. Apparently this is a true story.

"Fine, yeah, let's do the kiss one," Ladybug says, shooting him a smile.

"Oh, yeah, okay, for this one, since it's sorta got a story behind it, I was thinking I should get a video of you two, like, explaining it? Because I know the story, but only because you guys told me, and I think it'd be best if you guys told the story, explained, kinda, the inside joke," Alya suggests, setting up her camera. "I'll add the context and some footage of Dark Cupid and whatnot, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Chat, you good?" Ladybug asks, and he nods.

"I've got no qualms with you telling the world that you liked kissing me," he says, smirking.

She rolls her eyes and turns back to Alya. "Let's do it, then."

"Alright! Just a sec."

Once the camera is set up and the two heroes are sat down next to each other and have stopped flirting long enough to pay attention to Alya, she starts recording. "So, tell us the story behind this shirt," she prompts, from behind the camera.

"Bugaboo, you can take this one," Chat says, leaning back after nudging her shoulder with his.

She bumps it back and Alya prays that Chat doesn't take it as a challenge. He doesn't. Thank god. They need to work, not flirt. Even though, same, Alya would too, if she could get away with it. Chat and his flirting are very relatable.

"Okay, well. Back when Dark Cupid was terrorizing Paris, Chat here took a hit for me, because he's stupid—“

"Hey!"

"Don't interrupt. You know how I feel about y—this.”

"But that time—“

"Okay, shush, we've had this argument. I'm telling the story."

Chat pouts. "Fine."

"Thank you. _Anyway._ Chat took the arrow for me, and he was made to hate me. And you know how, in fairy tales, the prince kisses the princess to break the spell? Well, Chat Noir was the princess in this story."

Chat nods, almost proudly. Alya, too, would not mind being the princess here. But she's ignoring that. Chat is simply very relatable.

"To make him stop hating me, I had to kiss him. So, I was after that. He was running away, which is a little funny because look at him now," she continues, gesturing to Chat, who's pressed against her like he has been this whole time.

Chat throws the camera a wink and kisses Ladybug's cheek before he tells the camera, "I am very much not running from anything."

"Yes, you're fearless. I know kissing me is terrifying," Ladybug deadpans, elbowing him. "So brave."

"I am, and I'm sure kissing you was ecstasy," Chat purrs, and Ladybug rolls her eyes, though she scratches under his chin like he's a cat, anyway.

She turns back to the camera. "So, I had to kiss him, to break the spell. Only, I wasn't sure what kind of kiss it needed to be, because, you know, in fairy tales it just says 'the prince kisses the princess', it never tells you, like, was it a closed mouth kiss? Was there tongue? So I just, went the whole way."

"Ladybug kissed Chat Noir, and _there was tongue!"_ Chat exclaims, pumping his fist into the air. “What she’s not saying here is that in the stories, it’s _true love’s_ kiss that breaks the spell, so lowkey, no big deal, we’re soulmates. There was tongue. But I don't remember it. Unfortunately."

"Fortunately. If you did you'd be begging for more, I expect. Well, more than you already do," Ladybug replies.

"Savage. But probably correct," Chat says, nodding.

"See, that's a good description of me," Ladybug points out.

"At least you didn't have to go all the way. Unfurtunately true love's hickey isn't a thing."

Ladybug starts giggling, leaning against her partner, who looks very pleased with himself. "True love's hickey! Oh my god," she wheezes, and Alya starts laughing too, though not nearly as hard.

Ladybug gets ahold of herself and sits up so she's not collapsed onto Chat Noir's shoulder. Alya totally sees how the arm he'd put around her when she was leaning against him, doesn't leave her shoulder. Ladybug doesn't seem to notice. If she does notice, she doesn't seem to care.

"Anyway, so, Chat didn't remember. But when I told him, he obviously got very excited. And he said that he wanted that fact printed on a t-shirt. I agreed because I find it hilarious, and so, Alya?"

Alya tosses her a shirt. Ladybug catches it easily and pulls it on over her head. "So now this is a thing."

"I am very glad it is a thing. I'm buying seven. One for each day of the week," Chat says, fingering at the hem of Ladybug's new shirt.

She smacks his hand away playfully. Alya is ridiculously amused by all of this. Do they not know? Do they not see? Jeez.

"You're honestly such a nerd," she tells her partner.

"I'm honestly so in love," he retorts, and then they both go pink. "I-I mean, with the design, and, and the thing, it's hilarious."

Alya simply leans back, eyebrows high, watching this. Ladybug is bright pink. So is Chat. She tries a reply, and she sounds so much like Marinette that Alya makes a mental note to pay some extra attention to her best friend. "O-oh. Y-yes, of, uh, I mean, of course, um, it’s—yeah, it's, um, very nice design. And the thing. I like how it, um."

"How it has the logos as part of our names!" Chat helps her, pointing out the green paw print and bell as part of the CHAT NOIR on the shirt Ladybug's still wearing.

"Yes!" she says, jumping on that even as she squirms away from Chat poking what ends up being her stomach.

Alya cannot believe this. She honestly has no idea how this is real. Chat notices the squirm and immediately goes to tickle Ladybug and she shrieks and starts protesting, and just like that they're right back to flirting, with a tickle war of all things, right in front of a camera, in front of Alya, the fact that Chat had pretty much just confessed that he was in love with Ladybug totally forgotten.

Just, wow. This is gonna be on the blog.

Alya can already see the long threads of comments on this. And she may have to take part. Usually Alya is above speculation in the comments, preferring proof, but, like. This is proof.

She clears her throat just as Ladybug gets her fingers under Chat's arms. He squeals and Alya rolls her eyes. Holy shit.

"Mercy, mercy! Ladybug, please, uncle! Oh my god—stopppp, please," Chat says, dissolving into giggles. “I’m—so ticklish, no, please don't."

"Don't give it out if you can't take it, Chat."

"Fight me," he wheezes.

"Guys!" Alya says, voice raised. "This is adorable but could we maybe actually do some work?"

Chat cuddles back up to Ladybug as soon as she stops tickling him, and Alya doesn't know whether to be annoyed or cooing. "Sorry, Alya. Got carried away," he says, and Alya becomes aware of purring.

"Are you purring, Chat Noir?" she asks.

Chat nods, and pushes into Ladybug's hand, which has started absentmindedly petting through his hair. "It happens," he rasps.

"Usually around me, right, kitty?"

"Mmn, bug. Only around you," he says, eyes blinking slowly.

There's a quick awkward pause before Ladybug presses her lips to his forehead. "You're so sweet," she murmurs, and Alya feels distinctly like she's intruding on a Moment.

Chat stays silent, though he does go a little pink, and Ladybug looks over to Alya, then to the camera, still rolling. "Um, are you gonna—?”

"Cut that? Hell no," Alya says. "That tickle fight was adorable. Chat, your voice got so high."

"I'm very ticklish," he replies lazily, completely leaned into Ladybug.

"That much is obvious. But, uh, yeah, I think that's all I need for this t-shirt. Can you guys stand up, and Chat, can you put one on too? I was thinking, Ladybug, you can model the front, Chat, you model the back? For the other ones we can, like, switch as needed."

Ladybug nods and nudges Chat off of her so they can stand. He whines quietly but goes easily, and like they've practiced it, takes her left arm and hooks it in with his own, so they're locked together facing different directions. "That good?" he asks.

"Yeah, but could you pose a little more?" Alya asks, moving to the camera and adjusting it a bit.

"Trust me, you never have to tell Chat Noir to pose more," Ladybug says. "This boy is literally always posing."

"The hard knock life. I've always gotta model," Chat replies, hip-checking her in retaliation. 

"Hey!" Ladybug pushes him back. "Just do your anime girl pose, kitty."

Chat holds a peace sign up to his eye and sticks his tongue out and Alya makes another mental note to ask Marinette what anime that pose might be from.

"Beautiful," Ladybug murmurs, tugging Chat close again. Alya can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not.

"Alright, just... Stay still," she orders, taking more than a few pictures. Just in case.

By the time they're done with the rest of the merch, Ladybug is practically squirming. Chat looks bored, but isn't nearly as tired. Alya looks over the pictures, making sure nothing stands out as terrible, trying not to look like she's listening in to the superheroes' conversation.

"How in the heck aren't you tired? I'm going home and taking four naps," Ladybug is saying.

Chat snorts a laugh. "Four naps, really?"

"All in a row, yeah. Four naps."

"Isn't that just sleeping?"

A pause. "No. It's totally different."

Not that Alya is looking but Ladybug flips onto her stomach on the couch, crawls up the couch a bit so she's hovering over his lap, then flops down with an oof. She's left with her torso across Chat's thighs, and she just whines until he laughs—giggles—and starts massaging up her back. "You're such a baby."

"Hey, I initiated the tongue kiss, not you," Ladybug mumbles. "Less of a baby than you are."

"Let's not think about babies tongue-kissing," Chat laughs, then there's a pause and he asks, "Was it any good?"

Ladybug makes a quiet noise of questioning. Alya is pretty sure she doesn't need to be feigning with the camera anymore, because Ladybug and Chat are even more firmly in their own little world than they were during the rest of the shoot. She continues anyway, because it makes her feel less like she's snooping.

"The kiss. Was it any good?"

"I don't remember. I was kinda scared, actually—you were on top of me and threatening to Cataclysm me. To be honest, I don't remember much about the actual kiss. Just that, uh. Your mouth was like. Really hot."

Alya doesn't have to look up to see the smirk on Chat's face. There’s a very long pause.

 _“Temperature-wise,_ kitty.”

“Uh-huh,” Chat hums, disbelieving, and Ladybug turns over. The cat, whose hands were up by her shoulder blades when she was on her stomach, takes his paws off before he’s touching anything in the same area while she’s on her back. Ladybug looks at him until he starts squirming. “What?”

“Nothing,” she replies, but doesn’t take her eyes away. It’s a very weirdly intense, wordless exchange that, Alya isn’t sure if she should like, leave the room?

“Would you like to?” Chat asks. Alya isn’t sure what they’re talking about until Ladybug sits up, moving so she’s sitting on his lap more than reclining on him.

“Just to shut you up. You don’t have to wonder anymore.”

“And you can remember more about it?”

“Sure, it’s for me too.”

“You sure?”

It's a mostly unspoken conversation, but Alya almost drops her camera when Ladybug _actually kisses him._ She almost aims it, almost, then she sees Chat relax into the kiss and his hands settle so gently on Ladybug’s hips that Alya feels suddenly very, _very_ intrusive.

She lowers the camera, looks away from the two of them to give them as much privacy as she can. It’s kind of horrible, now that she thinks about it, that she’s here for this, because if Chat was telling the truth earlier when he said he was, quote, “honestly so in love,” unquote, then the fact that Ladybug was doing this “just to shut [him] up,” well. Can’t feel too good.

Then again, Ladybug is obviously in love with the boy so maybe it won’t matter that this is apparently a one-off, in the future. When Chat made the claim that the two of them were soulmates, Alya wasn’t even inclined to laugh. It was… rather true. At least, it seemed to be. Alya wouldn’t be surprised if they were, anyway.

Fanfictions aside.

Anyway.

When they pull away from each other Alya is packing up the merch, _really_ trying to pretend like she’s _totally_ not listening, though it wouldn’t make a difference if she were or not because she may as well be invisible to the two of them.

“Only the one?” Chat asks, quieter than he probably plans on saying it.

“I—well. Yes. You—you know why only one,” Ladybug replies, her voice also quiet.

“And we really can’t say fuck it? You _know_ that I— I said it, should I say it again? Can I? I’m honestly so—“

“Yes, kitty. I know. You know why just the one though. Was it a good one, at least?”

Chat is silent for a second, hands retreating from Ladybug. She takes the hint and stands, pulling away from him. After seeing them pressed together so long, it seems strange, the space between them, especially since it’s so charged. “You know it was. You wanted to make it that way,” he replies, and it sounds like an accusation.

It feels like there’s a lot passing between them that Alya doesn’t quite get. Ladybug crosses her arms. “Sorry. You’re—a good kisser. I wanted to enjoy it. I did. You know I did.”

“And I did too, so of course I’ll be thinking about that until—“

“Yes. I know. I’m sorry.”

Chat kind of tenses, closes his eyes, then sighs. “Yeah, I know. Um. Patrol tonight? Usual time?”

Ladybug relaxes slightly. “You’re sure you’re not sick of me, spending all this time today already?”

Chat gives her a smile. “You know I’m not. I’ll see you.”

Ladybug turns, and starts as she sees Alya. “Oh, you’re— uh. You didn’t…”

Alya shakes her head. “Just the merch is being posted.”

Ladybug gives her a smile. “Thank you, Alya. It’d be… painful otherwise.”

With that, she gives Alya a wave and pats Chat on the head to say goodbye. He smiles, and gives her a short purr. She’s gone as fast as she can, leaving Chat and Alya alone together. He stands. “Do you need any help packing up?”

“Nah, just need to put my camera away. I think everything else is good. Hey, thank you for all this,” Alya replies.

Chat smiles. “It was my pleasure. I like spending time outside of danger with Ladybug. And, with civilians, obviously. It’s just. Nice. Makes me feel normal, even in a suit like this.”

Alya smiles. “How was that kiss?”

Chat shrugs, unreadable expression on his face. “Good. She just _ruined_ me, and she knows it. I can’t even bring myself to be mad about it. Better to have had it and lost, right?”

“Well, eventually you’ll have it, right? True love’s kiss and all,” Alya says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. Eventually,” Chat agrees, looking wistful. “Eventually that will be normal.”

“Felt pretty normal.”

“It did, didn’t it?” He pauses. “Well, Alya, thank you. That was really nice.”

Alya grins, and waves the cat goodbye. She turns back to her camera, half-packed, and finishes packing everything up. Hopefully all the merch will sell.

After all, _that_ kiss _definitely_ had tongue.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate ending, because not everyone appreciates angst:
> 
> It's a mostly unspoken conversation, but Alya almost drops her camera when Ladybug actually kisses him. She almost aims it, _almost_ , then she sees Chat relax into the kiss and his hands settle so gently on Ladybug’s hips that Alya feels suddenly very, _very_ intrusive.
> 
> She lowers the camera, looks away from the two of them to give them as much privacy as she can. And of course, she is quick to pack up when that kiss becomes more than _one_ kiss. She packs up her camera and checks her watch. "Um, you guys have like six minutes left in the studio," she informs the two of them, hurrying out.
> 
> There's a pause, and she is _almost_ to the door when she hears Ladybug's voice. "That's enough for like one time if we're quick."
> 
> "Yeah," says Chat's voice. "Won't be a problem."


End file.
